Dealing With Imposter Syndrome

Imposter Syndrome.

Two words, packed with more emotion than a Meryl Streep monologue.

And I don’t say that lightly. You see, I think of Meryl as one of those goddess creatures who sets movie screens on fire with heart-stopping, soul-wrenching performances. It’s hard think of her as someone who could ever doubt herself. And it’s even harder to imagine her as saying things like:

“Why would anyone want to see me in a movie? I don’t even know how to act anyway. Why would I even do this?”

Not only did Meryl say this, though – she said this AFTER she had been nominated 17 times for an Oscar, and 26 times for a Golden Globe.

I guess it should be comforting. That everyone experiences imposter syndrome, even supremely gifted, accomplished people.

But WHY – when we’re actually in the thick of it – does it feel like we’re THE ONLY ONE EVER to get hit so badly? Why does it feel like an invisible weight has just been dumped on our back, but we’re the only one who notices that we’re about to be crushed?

Right now, I’ll put my hand up – I’m struggling with this a lot. 

Let me paint the (NDA-approved) picture:

I’m working on an amazing opportunity with 7 other incredible trainers – some of the best out there. Not just in Europe, but worldwide. And we’re working on a new creation, a new process, and an incomprehensible scale.

I’m honoured to stand alongside them, but I’m not going to lie – I’m way out of my comfort zone. Not only do these trainers have decades of experience between them – they are also each athletic, eloquent, hilarious.

If you’ve met me before – you’ll know. I’m not the type to cartwheel into a room with a megaphone on my head. I’m not a wallflower, sure, but I’m also not the type of personality whose whole being shouts LARGER THAN LIFE.

I’m soft-spoken, gentle, nurturing. My style isn’t a forest fire. It’s like infrared – the warmth quietly sinks into your bones. 

Often, this serves me well. But sometimes, it does make me question myself.

The thing with imposter syndrome

The thing with imposter syndrome is that it creeps up on you, isolating you, making you feel completely alone. And sometimes, we try to talk to someone about it, but they always seem to come back with kind, generous, unhelpful answers:

“Oh my god, don’t think like that!”

“Just be yourself! If you just show up as you you’ll be fine.”

“Just relax. Just be confident.”

“As long as you believe in yourself others will believe in you too. So just do that.”

Or… the worst of all. 

“Just wait till you feel ready. You don’t need to rush. Take your time.”

My loves. Well-meaning friends and strangers will try to make you feel good and safe and warm. And we love them for that. 

But: tough love moment: we will probably never feel ready. We will probably never feel like we know enough, like we’ve trained enough, like we’re “right” enough.

I should know that my calm vibe is needed. Especially in the hectic environment of today. But we’re human, and humans are complex enough to feel more than one emotion at a time. So yes, I feel excited and challenged and proud to be a part of this. And also, I feel scared, shaky, vulnerable.

Two Tips for Stepping Beyond the Fear

I’m still learning to play with the edges. I’m pretty sure I’ll always be learning to play bigger. But if you’re finding yourself in the same scary boat as me, these are two things I’m doing to help me work through this imposter syndrome.  

1. Give it a name. And a middle finger.

I’ve given my inner imposter a name. I call her Karen, but in my head she looks like the evil stepmother in Cinderella – dark hair, angry eyes, thin lips twisted in disapproval. She’s got a French accent and wears pantsuits and button up shirts. And she rolls her eyes a lot.

She’s the voice in my head that hates on adventure and scary opportunities. She’s the woman I hear that makes me wonder, after a session, if I missed the mark. She’s the one that stops me from posting something less than perfect. She’s the one who scared me away from teaching yoga for nearly 4 years before I finally started.

I’m not hating on her. She does what she does to keep me safe, bubble wrapped, and small. But she’s not going to help me make my dreams come true. 

So, my first tip for you: give your inner imposter a name. Give her a face, a personality, a dress code, and allow yourself to step back and observe the voice. Because she’s not you. She’s an amalgamation of all your greatest fears, and you can acknowledge her presence. But you don’t have to let her dictate your life.

2. Take immediate action. 

Mel Robbins talks a lot about the 5 second rule – about if you need motivation to push past a barrier, you need to take action within five seconds of noticing the need. For me, this means baby steps, done immediately. For example: 

• visualising myself in the new space I’m going to be stepping into
• blocking out pockets of time in my diary to specific rehearsals
• consciously placing other things on the back burner – de-prioritising the non-essentials
• keeping a notes page on my phone for ideas, suggestions, and to-do’s as they come to me through the day

Silencing my inner Karen comes not by saying, but doing. Because confidence comes from action. 

I think we have this idea that self-belief is a feeling, a mood, a personality trait. But I’m starting to learn that self-belief is an action state, not an emotion.

If you think of it in a physical yoga context, it’s a little like balance. Whether you’re standing on your head or two hands or one leg – it’s the act of doing the standing that makes it a balance. It’s not stillness. It’s continual shifts, continual little re-calibrations, playing with edges and testing your limits over and over. And each time we play with an edge, each time we wobble and shift and hold and NOT DIE – we gain just a little bit more trust. 

Confidence comes AFTER we begin, not before. And – like all the beautiful things in life – it’s built on through little steps, over and over. 

So if there’s something in your life right now that’s making you shake, that’s making you doubt yourself – congratulations. That’s life. It’s allowed to be scary. It’s okay if it’s hard. 

But we can do hard things, right?